As I sat here this afternoon and looked deeply into my soul, I asked myself, “What has been the one thing that has held me back the most financially in my life?”. One, very clear picture popped into my head. I liken it to the one that I have for this post. It was tied to the ghosts of past generations and society that seem to have plagued my beliefs.
While I am smack dab in the middle of Generation X, there are some serious underlying currents from generations past that still sit deep in my subconscious that I am working on scrubbing out.
Ghosts of Generations Past
While I have always considered myself a strong and independent woman, there has been an undercurrent in my life that made me feel like I didn’t amount to much without a man in my life. Again, this was an undercurrent. It showed up in the panic I would feel when I was single. Which, I did not allow myself to be much from the age of 16 to 38 years of age. I would jump from one long-term relationship to the next hoping to find “the one”. Yet, I kept finding myself in unhealthy and toxic relationships that didn’t just end, they blew up in flames.
After my first relationship after my marriage ended in flames two years after my divorce was final I made the decision to clear the decks and spend some time alone to find myself.
Something I didn’t notice at the time was that my finances increased significantly during this two year period. I didn’t think much of it at the time because I was in the process of building my business.
Once I was on solid footing financially and emotionally, I took another stab at a long term relationship.
What I Couldn’t See At The Time…
What I couldn’t see at the time was that my finances started to spiral again while I was in that relationship. While I was in it, I also couldn’t see that the relationship itself was unhealthy and toxic. My energy was divided and erratic due to the lack of stability in myself and the relationship.
Funny story, as soon as I ended that relationship two years ago, my finances started to improve significantly again.
Even More Surprising
Even more surprising was when we started the “Stay at Home” orders in California in mid-March 2020. I was calm, yet a bit nervous about the situation. Something deep inside of me told me I was going to be okay.
After a couple of months of this order, I started to notice something. My finances were going through the roof. The only thing I could tie it to was the fact that I had slowed down enough to honor my own space and energy. I didn’t have a man sucking the life force out of me. I wasn’t wasting my time and energy on people that were not serving my best interests. I was calm. I was stable. I was financially secure.
What Society Has Told Us
Whether we want to admit it or not, our society for generations have made women feel like they are nothing without a man. In this day and age, it is much more subtle than it used to be. But, even just a few short decades ago, women really would have struggled in our society without a man to “take care of them financially”.
What I Have Learned
Time and time again, the Universe has sent me VERY clear messages that the exact opposite is true for me. Thankfully, I had parents that set me up for success and provided me with a college education. Thankfully, I was blessed with a persistent heart and soul that would stop at nothing when it comes to accomplishing my goals. But, when I have looked back on my life, I have noticed my finances decrease significantly when I have a man in my life romantically.
Now, this is not saying that I blame the men in my life for my financial situation. I actually take full responsibility for the fact that I allowed myself to stay in toxic and unhealthy situations that drained me in more ways than just financially.
What 2020 Taught Me
2020 has taught me that where my energy goes, so goes my finances. With that in mind, I am EXTREMELY conscious of where my energy is at and where it is going. I am very selective with who I allow in my energy space. At the first sign of anything out of my wave length, I move on.
I refuse to allow what society and generations past have led me to believe as true rule my life. I see the power I have as a woman. I see the power I have as a mother. I see the power I have as an Entrepreneur. I see the power I have when I am stable and grounded.
I ask you to take a look back at your life and notice the patterns. One of the keys for me was also the fact that I was not pining away at having a man in my life at this time either. I was at peace with the present moment and exactly where I was/am at.
What is holding you back financially? Are there ghosts from your past that you need to set on fire?
